TGIGF

TGIF is a common phrase whereby people celebrate the coming weekend and am end to the working week. 

How about TGIGF? Thanking God it's Good Friday, the day we remember the immensity of His love for us. 

A couple of weeks ago my son was crying and had his fingers in his mouth. I promised him that I would find something to comfort him and later that day had found some teething gel. I had kept the first promise I'd made to him and he now knows that I will comfort him when his gums hurt. 

It's the experience of having a son of my own that gives me a powerful glimpse into how much God loves us. I hate to see him suffer, even momentarily - and yet the Father watched His Son suffer and die - in love for us. 

It is contemplating the true Father that I can begin to realise how precious each person is - grace is freely given but grace was so very costly. 

The Good Friday liturgy is stark, punctuated by solemn silence and gives us a time of mourning. 

Our priest said that Good Friday - rather than Valentine's Day is the real celebration of love. 

"Greater love has no one than this: to lay down one's life for one's friends." - John 15:13

Dads' Advice on Fatherhood - Part 2: Unconditional Love

The second most common piece of advice I got when I asked fathers I admire for advice was the importance of unconditional love.

We might have various dreams and ideas as to how we would like our children to grow up and they might rebel and reject what we hold dear but again and again I was advised to reassure my son of my unconditional love on a regular basis.

One friend of mine said, "Show your son you love him by hugging him and reassuring him daily." 

Another shared a list of practical ways to show our love for our children:

• Tell him you love him, every day. 
• Don't publicly humiliate or criticize him. 
• Be understanding when he makes a mistake.
• Control your anger. 
• Don't hit him or be verbally abusive.  
• I have found that it is possible to discuss with children right and wrong behaviour. He will often choose to do what is right once he understands. 
• Be patient with him when he makes the same mistake again.  
• Don't compare him to others. 
• Leave work early to attend and support his participation in an event. 

One father shared that even as his children grew older he felt that it was just as important to reassure his children - and that he would do so personally to each one and not just to them all as a group.  He said that he felt it important to do so privately but also on public occasions such as 21st birthday parties and weddings.  He said that he will make it clear that whatever choices they make in life they will always be welcome at his home.  "It is so important that the children fully know and realise how much they are individually loved - not just as a group - and that they know ,and realise how much you both love each other and the tremendous implications of that love in every " thought, word and deed"- that they know that love gives and doesn't just receive  - that love is not about me but about the other."

Another father also said, "Love him unconditionally, guide him to his God given talents and rejoice when he rejoices, Love him unconditionally even if his choices are not your choices ... Tell him he is measures up, boys just want to be reassured they have done well in their dad's eyes."

One of my brothers made a similar point, "Be proud of your son and make sure he knows that.  Don't assume that he knows how you feel just because its obvious to you.  Boys ... aren't always perceptive and need reassurances!"
Ironically, one person who underlies this point more than anyone else is actually a celibate priest.  Father Larry Richards, an American pastor and founder of the Reason for Our Hope Foundation makes this point very strongly in a speech he gave to men.  In the last ten minutes of this video (see from 50 minutes onwards he hammers this point home in the strongest possible language.  He says that fathers who can't tell their children that they love them (without judging them) are a bunch of wimps, not real men and should be ashamed of themselves.

Finally what struck me more than anything else is what one friend shared: "If a boy doesn't hear from his father that he is loved and that he measures up - he will look for acceptance in all the wrong places.  Be man enough to give your son this reassurance - or face the consequences."

Dads' Advice on Fatherhood - Seven things to know

When my son was born almost two weeks ago he didn't come with an instruction manual - foreseeing this, I took the precaution of asking a dozen Christian fathers whom I respect, their advice on daddyhood and the following were overwhelmingly the strongest responses I received.

Seven things to know about being a Dad to a son (according to amazing Dads I know) -

1.  Protect your marriage: Love your wife and make her, not just your child your priority after Christ.

2.  Unconditional love: Reassure your child of your unconditional love regularly and let him know you're proud of him.

3.  Pray for them: Spend time alone and with your wife and other friends praying for your child.

4.  Pray with them: Make time where possible to pray with each child individually or as a family.

5.  Set a good example: Be the man you wish your child to be. Children will naturally love their mothers but copy their fathers.

6.  Discipline: Set boundaries, ensure he knows what is and isn't acceptable.

7.  Authenticity: Be real - don't pretend - apologise when you screw up.


I treasure the advice that these people shared with me - some of it surprised me and some didn't - but  these are real men whom I have seen guiding and actively taking a part in their children's lives - and had the generosity and courage to share their views with me.

All of the above will soon turn into links where I share in greater depth what was shared with me but in the meantime I shall leave you with "I've been watching you" by Rodney Atkins which illustrates all seven of the above but especially setting an example and prayer: YouTube: I've been Watching You 

Become a saint or go to Hell

Do not watch this video.

Do not watch this video unless you're prepared to be challenged and changed:

Fr Larry Richards - Powerful Men's Conference Speech

Fr Larry Richards is like a spiritual coach who drives men to the next level. He  reminds me of Mickey in the Rocky films - screaming at him to get up when he's knocked over, battered, bruised and bloodied. 

You may not be brave enough to watch this but I hope that if you do, you will find it uncomfortable - and in the same way that Rocky was exhausted but somehow got up and fought another round - you seize the moment and allow these strong words to impact your life. 

Fr Larry is hard hitting, the words are strong and he doesn't hold back - if you don't have an hour right now just watch the last ten minutes. 

His message to men? Become a saint - or go to Hell. 

This is my beloved Son, in whom I am well pleased.

Numerous studies have concluded that each and every son wishes to hear these words from their fathers.  Jesus Himself heard these words from His Father at the beginning of His ministry and before His passion and death. 

It has been over a decade since I knew with conviction that I was called to be a father and so it was with great joy that my wife and I found out that we have been blessed with a child and now know that we have a son. 

Numerous research shows that if a boy never hears these words of affirmation from his father in particular he is at risk of seeking affirmation in the wrong places or from the wrong people. It seems as though there is a longing in the heart of each and every child to have a father's love and believe he is proud of him or her. 

Our love and pride in our children shouldn't be dependent on their successes. My transition into fatherhood is an immense privilege but will also be life changing in every way. Of course it will be hard work but I feel privileged to be able to have a glimpse of just how much the Father loves us. 

Please pray that I may be a kind, loving father who will put Christ at the centre of the family which I am called to lead. May the prayers of St Joseph in particular sustain and transform me, my wife and our little son by God's grace. 

"This is my beloved son. In whom I am we'll pleased."

Benedict XVI - the most inspiring Pope in my lifetime

Having lived through four Popes in my lifetime, two of which I can barely remember, there is no doubting that  for me personally the current one has inspired me most.

I am only just about getting over the shock of hearing that our beloved Pope, Benedict XVI, is to resign. My thoughts and feelings have included not only shock, surprise, sadness but also joy that he will, God willing, have some peace in his final days (let's hope years).  Pope Benedict XVI has in many ways, been a Pope of surprises right up until the end including his resignation.

He chose a name honouring a predecessor from before the Second Vatican Council - which in itself was a sign that he is someone truly aware of the hermeneutic of continuity of the Catholic Church before, during and after the Council.  This choice of name, choosing to honour a predecessor who was a man of peace undermined the idiocies of those who either think that nothing good happened before the Council or nothing good happened afterwards.

Pope Benedict's first encyclical, Deus Caritas Est reinforced the core of the Gospel message opening with the words, 'God is Love.'  All of his writings have been Christ-centred - including his series on Jesus of Nazareth - and bring our focus on the core of the Gospel message.

As an Englishman, albeit one living in Hong Kong, I shall never forget the first ever State Visit of a Pope to the UK.  The site of him speaking in Westminster Hall, where St Thomas More was condemned to death reminding us that the church and state can work together for the common good.

The media, including some that are nominally Catholic, have sometimes accused the current Pope of persecuting nuns in the USA.  The truth, as Fr Z reminds us, is that some, let's hope a minority, of religious sisters in the US have moved very far away from Catholic teaching with some opposing the sanctity of life and others openly saying that they have moved beyond Christ.  It is right to at least investigate and take action where necessary.

Pope Benedict's outreach to Anglicans who wish to become Catholic but without losing the beauty of their own liturgical and cultural traditions was a stroke of genius.  Others may talk about Christian unity but he helped deliver it in this way.

One of Pope Benedict's decisions that affected me most personally was his decision to liberate the traditional Latin Mass, which as he pointed out hadn't been abolished anyway.  The beautiful, Christ-centred nature of the extraordinary form of the Mass transcends cultures, reaches across divides of time and language and focuses our attention on the tabernacle and cross rather than the priest. My wife-to-be, a non-denominational Christian at the time, accompanied me to a Latin Mass in Hong Kong before we got married and said that this was a key factor in her understanding of what the Eucharist really means.

It may seem ironic but a Pope accused by the ignorant of being an arch-conservative was in fact, perhaps one of the greatest defenders of Vatican II.  As recently reported in the Catholic Herald, he has defended the true meaning of  the Council against those who have consistently tried to undermine it - including those who hate all things truly Catholic and false traditionalists who object to its authentic teaching.

Let us thank God for Pope Benedict and pray for him as he retires in a few days time.  We cannot understand the pressures that are upon him and we do not know the extent to which he is suffering.  May our Father in heaven give him peace and comfort and may the prayers of our heavenly mother be with him.

Cafeteria Catholic Guilt

Yesterday afternoon I met a friend of mine, a committed Christian who is not a Catholic, who paid me a compliment: "You are not like other Catholics, you are full of joy whilst they are filled with guilt and repression." Whilst I do not deserve this compliment (I am often not joyful and can be pretty irritable at times) this did make me think.

Why do so many people associate being Catholic with being racked by guilt and not joy? In my lifetime I have certainly made enough mistakes and turned my back on God at different times to deserve to feel guilty so why does so called 'Catholic Guilt' not apply to me? If I ever feel guilty about something, then I tend to realise that this is precisely because I've done something wrong, not because of the church trying to make me feel that way.

If at the end of each day I have sinned in any way, I will confess this and receive forgiveness because of what Christ did for me by dying on the cross. This daily examination of conscience brings me joy, peace and serenity. Not one day goes past when I do not need to confess and receive grace and in doing so, receive greater freedom and joy.

Our faith is more than a religion, a culture, a label - it is the joy of living the Gospel of Jesus Christ. It means that we may make mistakes, mess up, sin and fall but we can turn back to Him and accept the grace offered us through His death and resurrection. GK Chesterton's wonderful imagery comes to mind: "Catholic doctrine and discipline may be walls; but they are the walls of a playground." In a playground, people will have freedom - they will sometimes fall over, but their friends will help pick them up again.

If someone has an identity as a Catholic because they went to a Catholic School, used to go to Mass, prefer fish on Fridays, drink Guinness or they support Glasgow Celtic (I've seen it all) but they don't go to Mass, then why look to them as to what being Catholic means? Listening to some rent-a-bores telling us how repressed they are because of their Catholic upbringing makes about as much sense as someone with a gym membeship they never use complaining that they're overweight.

Even going to Mass or Confession do not in themselves indicate that we are Catholic. If I go to Mass but pick and choose from a menu which parts of Christ's teaching to follow then what right do I have to go round telling people that being Catholic is about guilt?

Perhaps those of us who are brought up with a Christian faith will know how to discern right from wrong. If we decide to ignore this and do what we kow to be a sin, then of course, we will feel guilty. In this case we have a choice. We could choose to complain, criticise the Pope, campaign for the church to change its teaching, picket cathedrals and tell everyone we know about "Catholic Guilt". The truth is that they are suffering from something called "Cafeteria Catholic Guilt". The cure for this deadly disease is to examine how we think, act and behave and ask forgiveness - we will then experience freedom - Catholic Joy.

Another form of this deadly disease of Cafeteria Catholicism is when someone goes to Mass, undertakes numerous devotions and has their own favourite apparition but disobeys Christ by harbouring resentment, refusing to forgive or condemning others for their sins without looking at their own. This is no less Cafeteria Catholicism - picking and choosing from a menu - and can only bring bitterness and not the joy that is offered by Our Lord.

If we live life as a Catholic - offering ouselves in obedience and submision to Christ - then we will live a life filled with joy and a peace that the world cannot give. As Catholics we are called to surrender our lives to Him completely. When we do this, we will not see being Catholic as being about a bunch of rules to follow but we will be transformed from the inside.

If we invite Christ to live within us then we would not need rules to tell us to be generous, to love our neighbour, to forgive and bless as we would naturally be transformed. When we confess our sins, attend Mass in a state of grace, receive communion and read the scriptures with an open mind, then we cannot remain the same. We should no longer wish to commit adultery, harbour resentment or tell lies. If I go to Mass or say the rosary purely out of habit or obligation then I may not be open to graces that are offered.

My friend who sees joy within me knows that I have messed up, sometimes pretty badly, but also knows that Christ's grace is more powerful than any of my sins. If I go around feeling guilty when I have already been forgiven, then I am listening to Satan, the accuser, rather than Christ, our advocate. I do not always feel joyful but when this is the case, it is perhaps a reminder that I need to change in some way. When I do change, then the joy is greater than it was before.

To conclude, I would like to quote a man who lives the joy of a life committed to Jesus Christ:

"True freedom is rooted in knowledge of and loving obedience to God, as well as the grace of true penitence, the need for pardon, renewal and transformation."

- Pope Benedict XVI (speaking on 15th April 2010)

"Love one another."

Today is Maundy Thursday and we recall the words of Christ, "A new commandment I give to you: love one another as I have loved you." [John 13:34] The English word 'Maundy' is generally held to be come from the Latin, "Mandatum novum" from this same passage of scripture. Love is the essence of our faith.

Today's liturgy is a powerful celebration of the depth of the love that Christ has for us and an invitation to us to respond to this love. The Church recalls his washing the feet of the disciples before his betrayal, the institution of the Eucharist and ends with a solemn procession of the Blessed Sacrament to an altar of repose symbolising Christ's journey to the Garden of Gethsemense where he will be betrayed. It is for this reason that Christians will traditionally watch with Christ and pray at this time, perhaps for an hour in remembrance of his rebuke to the apostles, "Could you not watch with me one hour?" [Matthew 24:40]

In England to this present day, the monarch will give specially minted Maundy Money to the poor as a sign of Christ's care for all. In the past the King or Queen would also wash the feet of the poor in imitation of Christ although this practice stopped after the overthrow of the last Catholic King, James II.

Enjoy the haunting simplicity of the piece below thanks to two priests called Thomas. St Thomas Aquinas wrote the words in the 13th Century and the Spanish Renaissance composer, Tomás Luis de Victoria produced the Officium Hebdomadae Sanctae (Office of Holy Week of which this is part) in 1585.

The commandment we are given on this day, to love as Christ loves us, is not easy. The Pange Lingua reminds us that this literally means loving to death, the shedding of his precious blood. It is no coincidence that the Mass was instituted at the same time as this great commandment. The words, 'Ite Missa Est' from which we get the word 'Mass' do not just signify that it is time to leave but are a call for us to bring Christ's love to the world around us even if this involves sacrifice.



Pange lingua gloriosi corporis mysterium,Sanguinisque pretiosi, quem in mundi pretium Fructus ventris generosi, Rex effudit gentium.

Tantum ergo Sacramentum veneremur cernui: Et antiquum documentum novo cedat ritui: Praestet fides supplementum sensuum defectui.

Genitori, Genitoque laus et iubilatio, Salus, honor, virtus quoque sit et benedictio: Procedenti ab utroque compar sit laudatio. Amen.


Sing, my tongue, the Saviour's glory,of his flesh the mystery sing; of the blood, all price exceeding, shed by our immortal King, destined, for the world's redemption, from a noble womb to spring.

Down in adoration falling, Lo! the sacred host we hail; Lo! o'er ancient forms departing, newer rites of grace prevail; faith for all defects supplying, where the feeble senses fail.

To the everlasting Father, and the Son who reigns on high,with the Holy Ghost proceeding forth from each eternally, be salvation, honour, blessing,might and endless majesty. Amen.

I thirst for you

This is a powerful talk given by Fr Larry Richards that is encouraging and filled with hope. This is a love story that all people can benefit from: